Smack. My head hurt and everything was spinning.
I knew moshing was a bad idea, but nope, my best friends all thought it would be great if I joined them.
I admit I wanted to "fit in" with my punk friends and be "cool," but I underestimated the risks of looking cool.
I tried to focus as the live punk music blared in my ears while people continued moshing all around me. I got bumped back and forth, not helping my dizziness.
One guy, who was interested in me who saw me get hit in the head by another mosher took me outside to make sure I was okay. My guy friends that I came with were there as well as they saw what happened.
The porch was quieter, a welcome relief as I felt dizzy and overwhelmed. The cool breeze had me alert as the guy who liked me shone a line in my eyes, assessing if I was concussed.
Less than 24 hours later, the doctor tells me I've got a concussion, and I had to rest.
Resting didn't just mean take it easy, though.
Nope, it meant I wasn't supposed to be on screens, write, read, or do basically anything.
I was ordered to rest, for at least 1 week, and the doctors let me know that women often have symptoms for longer (around a month, but it can last months if you don't rest).
I was ordered to rest, sleep, do nothing... yet responsibilities remained and I felt the pressure to keep up with everyone else.
While I rested, I still had projects and papers due. That wasn't going away.
Sure I got some extensions, but I still had to figure out how to continue my life, despite my brain not exactly functioning in tip top shape.
My memory was not great, and words escaped me, and I had to take long breaks to rest. I couldn't tolerate too many sounds or bright lights. I could only be focused/awake for 2 hours before exhaustion set in.
But my friends?
All kept going to their classes, doing work, partying, and hanging out.
Not so much. I was limited. Truly limited.
I had to remind myself not to compare myself to them because they didn't have a concussion, and I did.
Now, I don't know about you, but resting was unnatural to me. I was a go-go-go type of person who always was doing something.
I was known for being on my game - always.
I was the student who gets A's despite being raped and being actively anorexic.
I was the friend who is always there at 2AM when there's a crisis and a shoulder is needed to cry on.
I was the one who always had their shit together and persevered not letting life's circumstances stop me from achieving my goals.
But recovering from my concussion had me re-evaluating how I functioned.
Recovering from that concussion taught me the value of slowing down, taking it one day at a time, taking it one step at a time, and not getting caught in the comparison trap.
I couldn't rush my recovery, and the more I tried to rush it, the longer my symptoms lasted.
Because I struggled so much to slow down and rest, my concussion symptoms lasted months when I could have been better in a month had I listed to the doctor.
The same is true for recovery.
No matter how painful it is, we cannot jump over steps, we can't rush it, we can't avoid it, and we can't compare our recovery to others' recoveries.
We must walk through it, each step, each stage, one day at a time, Reader.
Now if you're new to recovery and haven't been in my inner circle for very long, let me remind you of some basics here at The Modern Mr. and Mrs. LLC
Our mission at The Modern Mr. and Mrs. is:
1. To ensure that everyone can have access to quality recovery opportunities
2. Stop individuals from experiencing professional re-traumatization by calling out the myths and harmful beliefs most therapists, coaches, and individuals have about sex addiction and betrayal trauma
3. Help as many people as we can with our products, programs, and services leave active addiction and trauma behind and build out their new recovery lifestyle to have long-term success
Our #1 goal is to help you (and your partner and family) leave this painful chapter behind and move forward as healthy individuals and a connected couple.
You can jump into recovery TODAY with any of the following (because there's nothing like the present!):
- Check out The Mod VIP Library which contains a list of books on recovery and relationships - cost of books vary
- Read our blog
- Get our ACED marital workbooks that incorporates all the foundational skills one needs to be successful in recovery (both individual and marital) - $30/each (prefer digital to get the book immediately? Click here!)
- Request an application to become a private client (new private clients will be starting September 20th)
Now, the truth is, recovery will take 3-5 years with the right recovery team.
DIYing recovery can take 7-10+ years.
The brain of an addict takes at least 2.5 years to rewire to be healthy.
Trust and rebuilding the relationship can take 2-3+ years depending on various external factors (how long did it take after D'Day to get outside help, are there any neurodiversity's present, are there co-occurring mental health issues, etc.).
My goal is to help you navigate recovery in the most efficient way so that you don't have to fall into the pitfalls that can have recovery take years longer than it needs to.
Let's streamline your recovery, Reader, so that you have the support you need to gain new skills, leave active addiction and trauma behind, and build out a healthy connected marriage and family.
P.S. if you missed the latest Recovery Opportunities I've sent out, you can still choose to do them: