Suddenly, all our work, our efforts, felt like it was all a waste.

What happened? How did we get this way? I thought to myself.

Oh, that's right, Jak had stopped doing the work that made him successful in recovery.

Jak had been doing ACED religiously, reaching out to his recovery friend, and going to his recovery professionals, and truly was taking recovery seriously....until he wasn't.

ACED was something of the past, and our connection slowly faded into a memory.

Jak isolated and stopped reaching out to his recovery friend and became irritable.

Jak was going to his recovery professionals, but wasn't truly showing up (you know, he just checked the box).

Jak, while still being clean for those two years, stopped putting in the work in what seemed to be out of nowhere.

He stopped doing the things that made him successful and connected in the first place.

ACED provided daily opportunities for:

  • Consistency
  • Awareness
  • Ownership
  • Accountability
  • Responsibility
  • Honesty
  • Transparency
  • Respect
  • Intimacy
  • Building Trust

His recovery friend provided opportunities for:

  • Awareness
  • Friendship
  • Connection
  • Safety
  • Accountability
  • Ownership
  • Honesty
  • Transparency

His recovery team provided opportunities for:

  • Safety
  • Growth
  • Consistent support
  • Accountability
  • Ownership

So we hit a rough patch around the two or so year mark. We felt disconnected, and I was concerned. I knew he hadn't relapsed but was distraught over our connection vanishing.

He was avoiding something, but we didn't know what it was... well, I had my theory but wanted to give him the space to figure it out.

Jak did eventually figure out (or well, admit it to himself - he knew it all along) what he was running from and he realized he stopped doing all the things that made him connected, present, and healthy.

These days, we make sure that we are actively continuing our recovery efforts on a daily basis as well as a weekly check-in and a monthly check-in.

We don't micro-manage each other, we give each other space to continue our self-development work, and we let each other know we are there for support should either of us need it after we meet with our own professionals in our lives.

Sometimes life gets scary and unexpected things occur or you've just processed something you were running from for 20+ years, and that can have anyone stop doing the things when they don't have the skills and support they need to face reality.

However, I encourage you to learn from us, and don't let fear stop you from continuing to commit to recovery.

That 2-3 year mark was a bit rocky for us because Jak was not ready to process and face what he had been running from and he didn't have the right professional support at the time.

That was about a year of inconsistency, fear, disconnection, and uncertainty because it took a while to figure out what was going "wrong" in the recovery plan.

So, while you may feel certain aspects of your recovery activities are redundant or not needed, Reader, I'd take a moment to truly pause and remember what these things brought you in the first place.

If it's working, keep doing it.

If it's not working, what can be shifted/adjusted? Or do you need a different exercise/approach entirely?

Be curious, compassionate, and open towards your recovery journey because recovery is NOT linear. It's up and down and you have to make tweaks and adjustments along the way as you enter new levels of self-development.

When you truly commit to yourself, your partner (and family), you will begin seeing the results of your hard work.

Don't ever give up on your self-development and recovery journey.

Your partner in this recovery journey,

Savvy Esposito

P.S. If you were looking for getting consistent support, guidance, and step-by-step skills and strategies in your recovery journey, explore my services and if you're ready to commit, schedule a Meet & Greet session so that we can get to know one another to see if it's a good fit!

Savvy Esposito

Savannah is passionate about helping engaged and married couples struggling with trust, communication, sexual intimacy, intimacy anorexia, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma achieve the healthy, connected, and loving marriage they’ve always dreamed of.

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