It was pitch dark, and Jak was sleeping soundly next to me as I felt the weight of his addiction on me, suffocating me, excruciating physical pain from his lack of care.
I began to cry, and soon was sobbing, crying my heart out all while Jak lay asleep soundly next to me, not even realizing I was breaking down crying.
The fact that he slept soundly while I lay awake in agonizing physical pain from him made me wail harder.
Exhausted, I finally shook him awake and he was startled, looking around, not sure what was going on.
"I've been breaking down next to you for the past half hour!" I cried.
"What, why?" Jak asked, sitting up.
"Because you won't talk to me! You won't address your addiction! You won't face the pain you caused! You don't care about me or us!"
That sound familiar? I bet you've experienced some version of that over the time you, as the betrayed partner, have tried to get your addicted partner to choose you over their addiction.
It was only when Jak began leading his recovery and connecting daily with me did my breakdowns and physical pain from holding my tongue become a thing of the past.
Through our recovery journey, Chloe and I built ACED, the most foundational, amazingly connecting tool in recovery and the reason my breakdowns ended and the reason Jak stepped up.
ACED is a daily connection exercise you do where the addict initiates the conversation and intimacy. It's their responsibility to own their recovery, to share from their heart, and be honest - every single day.
Now, this tool didn't happen overnight but was built over years of tweaking the exercise. Clients went from years of disconnection and silence to intimate connection in 30 days.
That's right. 30 days of this exercise, 30 days of the addict owning their recovery, 30 days of daily connection and honesty turns marriages around that are on the brink.
This was originally an exercise only in our Knights & Warriors program but last year I turned it into a workbook so that you can access this amazing transformation as well!
Now, in the beginning Jak wasn't perfect at this, nor did he initiate every day.
That's where boundaries and consequences come in (which is a completely separate email!).
But with ACED and boundaries and consequences we turned our marriage around. Those early painful days of recovery … what you read above doesn't have to be your story.
Now, our marriage isn't where it is by chance.
Our marriage is where it is today because we commit every day to connection.
If you're ready to leave addiction - the disease of disconnection- behind, be brave and connect with your partner and be honest, then ACED will be a game changer!
Recovery Opportunity: invest in ACED and begin daily connection the moment the workbook arrives!
Your partner in this recovery journey,
Savvy